“My story starts when I was about 12 years old. My parents were divorced and my dad got remarried to a woman by the name of Laurie. I was a bit chubby but what 12 year old is really concerned about that? I wasn’t concerned until my step mother, Laurie, started making comments on how I was bigger and how it was hard to buy clothes for me since I was plus size. Those words hurt and I started loosing weight. I was doing it the healthy way just watching what I ate more and being more physically active. I was loosing weight and was in a healthy range for my height and age. Then Laurie started accusing me of being anorexic. Which I had no idea what that even was at that age. I wasn’t anorexic or anything but her and my dad stuck it in my mind I was and that I was basically going to loose all my teeth and hair. So time went on and I started to eat more of what ever I wanted and being lazy because I was extremely depressed. I became over weight again. I didn’t care much, yes it crossed my mind to loose weight through out high school but I just basically wanted to have fun and make the most of the time I had. High school wasn’t a blast though. I had a lot of peers call me fat, thunder thighs, and other fat jokes. I also had 4 girls who I thought were my friends turn on me and started calling me names like a slut and making fun of how I dressed and yes my weight. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore. I couldn’t trust my peers nor my own father. So I basically had my mom who became my best friend and still is to this day. The bullying got so bad I almost transferred schools my senior year of high school because I was terrified every day to see what kind of emotional damage I was going to receive that day. Well I made it through, found a different group of friends and graduated high school. Most of my friends moved away to college and I didn’t really know what I wanted to go for yet so I stayed home and worked full time. So with all the free time I decided to focus on myself and loose weight. At first I was doing it all in the healthy way that doctors recommend and lost a significant amount of weight. I put in a lot of hard hours at the gym and made conscious decisions when it came to my food. While I was at the gym I had all those hurtful words playing through my head to keep me going and pushing towards my goal.
Well I finally made it to a healthy weight and felt dang proud of myself but it just was never enough. I became obsessed with calories and counting every little bite I put in my mouth. I became religious on going to the gym every day for so many hours. And kept loosing but nothing was ever enough. Because I was finally getting the compliments and approached by men. Something was so foreign to me. Slowly I was running on nothing and didn’t have the energy to go to the gym. So I stayed my life was gym and my bed. I became depressed and slowly isolated myself from everyone. It came down to where I’d only eat one kind of vegetable for dinner and supper. This went on for some time. And eventually I realized that it was a problem so I told my mom I think I have an eating disorder. She kind of knew but me confirming it just made it more real. I tried to recover and gain some weight back on my own but I couldn’t. When I did eat something I considered “naughty” I turned to another dangerous behavior…laxatives. It got to the point where I was taking 60+ a day. This eventually caused alot of medical problems. My appendix ruptured but I literally had no idea for two weeks. After two weeks came up I was so bloated and light headed that my mom forced me to go to the E.R. where they did exploratory surgery where they found my appendix filled, my abdomen full of poison from the infection this caused me to stay in the hospital for over a month. Time went on and had other health complications but my eating disorder did not care it stuck around the whole time. I eventually realized recovery on my own was not possible so I went to an inpatient place called Roger’s. I was there for over a month. They helped me get on some medication to help manage anxiety and depression. And slowly started introducing me to different kinds of foods. I was doing fine in treatment and thought I was fine. So I went home. I was home for about a month and realized I was doing behaviors again not as bad but still bad enough. I checked out a different place to help me recover and came across one in Missouri. It was called Castlewood. It was a hard decision to be so far away from home and my family but knew it had to be done. I was there for about a month, met a lot of amazing people and had great support. After a month they thought I was ready to discharge and go home. So here I am about a month out of treatment still recovering. Having some slips but recovery isn’t perfect, nothing can be perfect.”
Sarah's Safe Haven 